|  7.20.07: Some update this is...LOL well i'm very bored and tired.....but i'm still on the computer chatten.LOL things aren't so great but everything's fine. not doin' much at all for a summer break....i wonder if you could actually call this a summer break.LOL ..well i guess this an't much of an update but oh well.LOL... |
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| I saw him again. And like everytime i saw him, he was wearing a red McDonal shirt and a black cap that covered his whole head making him look almost bald... but cute. He had a cute cuddley face, but crooked teeths like my dad and sister's. he didn't have broad shoulders like most of the guys i've met, around his age that is. Well to make it short, he was "small". Maybe a little smaller than me... I could still remeber the first time I met him...that time i had a huge fight with my sister which i had already forgotten about... my eyes were very red that time because i had cry so much from hunger ha ha... well at least i found a ten dollar bill at the time and went to McDonal and so yeah i guess that was the first time i met him....i think ....LOL well... it was weird when i met him today... i didn't remeber him... well maybe it was my short term memory... but then i didn't remeber him until i saw him for a three whole minutes (kinda long don't you think?)... his nice, cute, pleasuring smile...i think that was the part that i remember most of... well i didn't know his name...but it feels kinda strange around him because even though i didn't remember people's name i would at least remember their face easily.... but he was different... he...well how do i say this... he's like a math formula that i've forgotten and remebered in the nick of time for the exam or finals... it never happened before... i don't forget people easily... so...why didn't i remember him until i saw him for a few minutes??? |
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| yae!!! i'm not sick anymore!!!!! ....well i guess that's all i wanted to sae ha ha.*smiles* |
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| *coughs*.....yeah i kno i never talked much about my school life.... *coughs*well you see i just went to a dance last friday and caught a cold LOL could you believe that i mean it was kinda fun runing in the rain but it was also tiring because of my heavy weighted jeans. well it's weird because i went to the dance in jeans when it's supposed to be a sweat heart dance ha ha. well before that my friends got their new girlfriends and boyfriends and of course i was the last one to know again ha ha *coughs*man i suck but then i left really uncomforting when i was with them even walking with them in mind i'm the only one without a bf.... i am really weird to feel this way but i fond out what this feeling really was .... when my friend said "come on your so slow" at the end of class when i was about to get out of my seat and i kno it's sounds mean but it's just the way he talks well i felt happy and i lift up my face and smiles sooo happily.... *coughs*i was also on the verge of crying ha ha (but i didn't) i'm really am weird but ya kno that moment i felt something i've never felt before almost as if a big rock was lifted from my shoulders and i can fly again up into the high skies. *smiles as tears fall downs my face* and the feeling wasn't of being left out (of not having a bf) but it was the feeling of never being able to *coughs*....oh god i don't really know how to explain ha ha..... well i was really happy after that i became myself again and i was able to feel free again..... but the that uneasy feeling came back to me when i went to the dance... maybe i shouldn't have never even went ..... i'm not sure why i felt that way but they were also happy ......i couldn't be sad!......at least not in front of them ........so i forced myself to smile ....and well kick them like i usually do LOL.... *coughs*oh god these tears won't stop!!! i don't know why i'm feeling this way but god this'll add more to my fever ha ha and i don't even know why i'm on the computer right now ha ha.*coughs*.....well i guess it's about time for me to face reality *smiles* oh god will this tears stop already! LOL .... *coughs*it seems i must get out of my little bubble and face the world that are full of hope but there's no hope for me*smiles within my everlasting tears*............ |
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Wandering in darkness grope,
Finding not a glimpse of hope.
Fingers touch to find my way,
Each foot fall, my heart betrays,
The fear which drives me through the day.
Suddenly the ground is lost,
Flailing arms as body's tossed.
Splashing down in crimson pool,
The warm embrace is much too cruel,
I curse this lowly, wretched fool.
Floundering in this self made hell,
Warmth increasing as I dwell,
Within the confines I create,
Screaming as myself berate,
Giving in to this, my fate.
